One GoodGymer set off on a fun packed task with a spring in his step this afternoon. That wasn’t me. This one GoodGymer crawled out of his house for the fifth day in a row on a self imposed Sisyphean nightmare to rid a rural road of rubbish and restore his life to normal.

Equipped with his trash spearing harpoon, or more accurately, his weary litter picking stick, and holding tight to a new bin bag, Matthew made his way to Ockwells Road with a determined glint in his eye (actually it was a newly acquired nervous twitch, that probably should be covered by an eye patch).

With the wind filling the bin bag like a mainsail in a storm, Matthew started today’s scummy scavenger hunt at a rapid lick. With an audible sigh of relief he found yesterday’s cleared areas had stayed relatively free of flotsam and jetsam. Thank you bad weather for keeping the lazy litter louts at home.

It was all too easy. The bin bag was only half full. Success was in reach, but Matthew knew there was a problem ahead. He knew at the end of the road There Be Monsters. Real Monsters. He had seen them yesterday, just after dealing with the Pile of Beer Cans of Extraordinary Proportions. The Monsters were lurking in the hedgerow at the end of the road. He had seen them. He had fled home yesterday after spotting the three of them. He was not proud of that.

It was the final show down. The Monsters were all that stood between Matthew and victory. Between him and freedom from this rubbish task.

He silently approached their hedgerow lair.

Stabbing and thrusting into the hedgerow with his harpoon substitute, he attacked the Monsters with the zeal on a maniac pirate. They didn’t stand a chance in the face of such an onslaught. One fell quickly after another and were scooped into the black bag. They were defeated, the three gigantic Monster Energy Drink cans at the end of Ockwells Road.

In the end it was a simple task, but it took five days, I walked 25 kms and lost some marbles along the way. But most importantly it gave me one immense feeling of satisfaction. Oh, and a desire to buy a parrot.