Good evening, I’m Bob Bigglestone…

…and I’m Bob Murtough

And we’re delighted to bring you today's match report from Goodgym Greenwich’s tricky away fixture at Christchurch. Here’s Bob with the teams.

Thank you, Bob. A few changes from last week - near full strength, a few on international duty and one or two still on the treatment table.

Anyway, you could say this one was a must win, Bob. Some of those branches were set to cause havoc if left to grow.

Yes indeed, Bob. And JC did an excellent job at pruning back the opposition’s big man up front, the Buddleia.

He certainly did. Attacking it from both wings I saw. I reckon he’s ambidextrous Bob.

I don’t know about that, Bob, but he could certainly use both hands.

There was an excellent turnout this week, made a real difference to this church garden. Some lovely interplay between those chopping and carrying. Reminiscent of Liverpool’s pass and move game from the nineties.

Pass and move, it’s the Goodgym groove?

Was there Goodgym in the nineties, Bob?

Don’t think so. You just had to tune into GMTV and Bob’s your uncle, Bob - there was Mr Motivator. Goodgym began in 2009.

You’ve done your research, Bob!

Had to be something useful in this report, Bob.

There was a lovely moment in the warm up where the team were asked about the best freebie they’d got recently. Ever got anything for free, Bob?

Does shoplifting count, Bob?

Probably not, Bob. Unless you count the free cup of tea at the police station.

Didn’t even get that, Bob - a proper tight Bobby. Not even a sandwich. No such thing as a free lunch.

You can say that again, Bob.

No such thing as a free lunch, Bob.

There were free biscuits at full time though.

Yes indeed Bob! Favourite one?

I am partial to a Viennese Whirl.

I thought that was a dance move, Bob.

That's the Bourbon Waltz, Bob. Game day snacks are always welcome though. Ever had a half-time orange?

I haven’t Bob. I used to get pulled off at half time.

Wow! We only got oranges! We should also say a big shout out to all those, including our very own Olivia Waller, running the London Marathon this weekend. And to all members of this parish volunteering at the start line.

Yes, Bob. Good luck to all, and remember - it’s a marathon, not a sprint.

I think they know that, Bob.

And always run with traffic. Hold on is that with traffic or against traffic? No, with traffic.

I think they close the roads Bob.

That’s going to make running on them a bit tricky isn’t it?

I think we should wind this one up, Bob. We’re going round the houses a bit.

Good practice for the weekend, Bob.

Thanks for joining us for this special report. We’ll stop leading you up the garden path and let you get on with your days.

Speaking of garden paths, Bob, do you know the first name of madness?

What’s that, Bob?

Suggs coming up your drive.

Shut up, Bob.