It was my final shopping mission of the year for Mrs J. It might be the festive season, but some things stay the same all year round, like her shopping list!

This week we had:

• It (chocolate) mousse be Christmas.

• Who needs Wham when you can have Spam?

• Last Christmas I didn’t even know her, but this Christmas I gave her some (custard) tarts.

• Mary’s boy mild Cheese-us Christ was prawn (cocktail) on Christmas Day.

• Getting bread-y for Christmas Day.

• Choc (ice)-ing around the Christmas tree.

Plus FIVE GALAXIES

Four tins of soup

Three things of spuds

Two cans of spam

And a box of sweet fondant fancies.

Mrs J was in good form when she finally answered the door (cue a worried ten minutes of frantic door bell buzzing, window banging and neighbour asking). We had a chat about after eights, Christmas plans and what she’d like to do to my ex-boyfriend. Then it was off to spread my festive GoodGym cheer elsewhere.

Merry Christmas Mrs J!