On a warm, yet cloudy Sunday morning, four almost inappropriately lively GoodGymers met at the place of eternal rest for many dead Ealing residents: South Ealing Cemetery. Alan put in his mileage for the day, running from Chiswick with a detour past Hammersmith Bridge, while Steph Ducat did a rather fast 4km run from Pitshanger junior parkrun to reach the community mission on time. Sevan and Kash, on the other hand, needed only a short walk/jog to get to the cemetery. They'd get their morning workout nonetheless!

The volunteering day was led by the trustees from Ealing Parks Foundation, Jane and Paul, who took a very hands-on approach to their work to improve green spaces. Jane offered us a task to help prepare a photography exhibition in one of the chapels, while Paul had something much more physical in mind. His idea of a job for GoodGymers was to build a stumpery.

Sevan: What's a stumpery?
Paul: It's like a bug hotel with artistic features. King Charles has one at Highgrove.

We've been pointed towards a pile of rotting tree stumps and logs by the cemetery wall. We were going to move the timber into a designated location, then assemble in an artistic manner. We'd then fill the gaps between the wood with logs so rotten that they've been falling apart and some woodchip.

After plenty of muscle work, finding giant spiders, two toads, hitting ant nest while digging rotten material, and wheelbarrowing a few loads of fragrant woodchip, our artistic creation was complete. Did it resemble a feature from a royal garden? Or something else?

Sevan: Paul, can I ask you a question. Are we building a bonfire?
Paul: Hopefully, not. The idea is to get the insects in, who'd think: ah, that's a nice housing estate.

We couldn't tell how many bugs we've attracted to the new town so far. We rehomed a few hundred ants and some slugs that were already residing in the building blocks. Two toads became the residents too, with the hope that they would multiply - but we weren't sure they were of the opposite sex to each other.

Building the stumpery took us way more than half of a session - although Alan and Sevan were hijacked to do a side quest: moving a heavy cherry-picker cage between the chapels. We'd then realise there were two more sites to assemble our artistic expressions. Paul started deciphering the instructions from his contact in the council about where to find the next stumpery location.

Paul: Fifth U from the chapel, second grave towards Occupation Lane.
Kash (whispers): What is a U?
Sevan: I think they meant a yew tree.

Fortunately, it didn't take us long to find the next stumpery site. According to the reference photo, there should have been a wooden tripod to mark the location, but that structure had most likely collapsed. Once we started carrying and wheelbarrowing even heavier logs than before, there was no return. Enriched by the previous creative experience, we've built the second stumpery in only 30 minutes and called it a day, as it was already noon. Whether our art installations were worthy of the King, we couldn't tell, but surely they were worthy to be called insect penthouses.