‘Twas the last weekend of the Challenge of January when the outlaw Edwin Hood of Holgate assembled his Merrie Band of Women and Men at his hideout in the Youth Hostel of Sherwood.

The hideout had been carefully arranged by the beautiful and wondrous Maid Vicky of South Bank who was so admired and famed across the land that bounteous food was smuggled into the hideout under the cover of darkness by a bandit from Tesco.

Afore the adventures could commence the Merrie Band feasted on Chilli and Spuds and had first to Endure the Challenge of the Quiz of Sir Michael of Woodthorpe - a hideous ordeal that only the bravest and most nerdy could survive.

This was followed by much merriment and the drinking of flagons of Ale before it was revealed that the evil Sheriff of Nottingham had removed the alcohol from many of the bottles leaving our heroes with the foul brew of Beer Zero.

After a fitful night caused by the aforementioned false beer, chilli beans and too many baked goods, the heroes made their way via a 2 out of 10 sunrise to avenge themselves and do battle at the parkrun of the Pines of Sherwood.

Here they did disguise themselves as competent pacers and did deceive the runners there into believing that they were capable of telling the time.

Tall Peter of Poppleton did point his arrow sending many runners into the Forest, Claire the Metronome did arrive on time and Little Mitch of Acomb did abuse the runners in his funnel.

Having succeeded in their aim of causing confusion in the Forest the band retreated to the hideout to indulge in more feasting on the many sausages which had been roasted there.

But outlaws cannot rest and before long many were off running in the foolish attempt to achieve the Bingo Square of Run Thy Age - a challenge only attempted by the half witted and the heavily inebriated.

Outlaws they may be but on arriving at the Palace of the King of Clumber and meeting with the original outlaw Egg of Cheshire, they did much Good assembling the bookcases of Ikea, tidying the Kings yards and digging up many brambles that were overgrowing the Cottage of The Head Gardener.

There was no time to stop for cake (well actually quite a bit of time for that) and soon shovellers were called for to dig out the wash down for the bike hire of the King.

Sandy James did soon throw down his shovel and head off to find a younger and fitter outlaw and it wasn’t long before the Merrie band was off again running to the Brewery of Tuck where much Porter was consumed.

By now the Merrie band were flagging and only the truly foolhardy continued to run back to the hideout. Scrambling over fences is nothing for our hardy outlaws and Lady Leanne, Nicky of Harrogate, Jane of St Paul’s, Paul Kelly of the Poppleton Road, and Lucy the Knight made it back to the hideout.

It was too much for some and Edwin Hood himself, Sir Michael of Woodthorpe, James of the Tilburn, Tristan-a-Dale and Jen of the ‘Never Run this Far Before’ were so overcome that they were forced to stop at several hostelries on the route back before becoming so disorientated that some did run in circles in the car park.

Friar Griff and others had been sizzling chicken and various curries for the brave women and men before the traditional Dice Game of the Offloading of Random Rubbish Gifts, where the ancient Fables of Cheryl of Cole were much coveted and Stef the Durkin did happily seize the Tub of the Roses.

Here our tale takes a sad turn as after the baby Guinness, the Snowball, the Rum and Coke and many other beverages Amy of the Woollard despite being accompanied by her trusty hound Fergal Barky (and struggling to remember who was part of this group) did declare herself to be deeply disappointed most especially with Michael of Woodthorpe, Paul Kelly of Poppleton Road (although he did the best that he could) and even with Edwin Hood Himself. Lady Leanne (the most awake), Jane of St Paul’s, Babs The Great and the one man band James of the Tilburn were spared her wrath and the day drew to a close.

The morning dawned and the heroic band broke their fast on more sausage before attempting the great litter pick of the RSPB of the Forests of Sherwood and Budby South wherein Debs the Barely In Time did Brasso polish the important medallions and the Archer Katie the Fair celebrated her birthday by making a bow and arrow before the Merrie Women and Men did head for home singing the praises of the most marvellous Maid Vicky & Edwin Hood.

Cast List:

Edwin Hood of Holgate

Maid Vicky of The South Bank

Tristan-a-Dale

Jen of the 'Never Run this Far Before'

John and Jackie of Camden Town

Bec Sneak off early-a-Bed

Paul of the Early Rising

Sir Michael of Woodthorpe

Stef the Durkin

Nicky of Harrogate

Jenna of the Tall Tales

Helen of the Springs

Alex the Jaguar

Becca Maude Marian

Friar Griff (who knows his limits)

Little Mitch

Tall Peter of Poppleton

Babs the Great

Steve of the Rice

Kit Kat

Lady Leanne the Most Awake

Debs the 'Barely in Time'

Paul Kelly of the Poppleton Road

Lucy the Knight

Claire the Metronome Metcalfe

Laura Barrett of the Whisky

Sandy James

Katie the Fair

The Egg of Cheshire

Hannah of Woodthorpe

Jane of St Pauls

The Artist David Barrett

Catherine of Poppleton

Amy the Disappointed

Neil the Van, Maid Vicky's man

Louise of Old London Town

Abigail of the Little Sleep

Dylan of the Much Wailing

Digby the Small Horse

The Ferocious Hound and Loyal Companion Feargal Barky